| ACT III SCENE III | The forest. | |
| | Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY; JAQUES behind. | |
| TOUCHSTONE | Come apace, good Audrey: I will fetch up your | |
| | goats, Audrey. And how, Audrey? am I the man yet? | |
| | doth my simple feature content you? | |
| AUDREY | Your features! Lord warrant us! what features! | 5 |
| TOUCHSTONE | I am here with thee and thy goats, as the most | |
| | capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths. | |
| JAQUES | Aside | |
| | in a thatched house! | |
| TOUCHSTONE | When a man's verses cannot be understood, nor a | |
| | man's good wit seconded with the forward child | 10 |
| | Understanding, it strikes a man more dead than a | |
| | great reckoning in a little room. Truly, I would | |
| | the gods had made thee poetical. | |
| AUDREY | I do not know what 'poetical' is: is it honest in | |
| | deed and word? is it a true thing? | 15 |
| TOUCHSTONE | No, truly; for the truest poetry is the most | |
| | feigning; and lovers are given to poetry, and what | |
| | they swear in poetry may be said as lovers they do feign. | |
| AUDREY | Do you wish then that the gods had made me poetical? | |
| TOUCHSTONE | I do, truly; for thou swearest to me thou art | 20 |
| | honest: now, if thou wert a poet, I might have some | |
| | hope thou didst feign. | |
| AUDREY | Would you not have me honest? | |
| TOUCHSTONE | No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favoured; for | |
| | honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar. | 25 |
| JAQUES | Aside | |
| AUDREY | Well, I am not fair; and therefore I pray the gods | |
| | make me honest. | |
| TOUCHSTONE | Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut | |
| | were to put good meat into an unclean dish. | |
| AUDREY | I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul. | 30 |
| TOUCHSTONE | Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness! | |
| | sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may | |
| | be, I will marry thee, and to that end I have been | |
| | with Sir Oliver Martext, the vicar of the next | |
| | village, who hath promised to meet me in this place | 35 |
| | of the forest and to couple us. | |
| JAQUES | Aside | |
| AUDREY | Well, the gods give us joy! | |
| TOUCHSTONE | Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful heart, | |
| | stagger in this attempt; for here we have no temple | |
| | but the wood, no assembly but horn-beasts. But what | 40 |
| | though? Courage! As horns are odious, they are | |
| | necessary. It is said, 'many a man knows no end of | |
| | his goods:' right; many a man has good horns, and | |
| | knows no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of | |
| | his wife; 'tis none of his own getting. Horns? | 45 |
| | Even so. Poor men alone? No, no; the noblest deer | |
| | hath them as huge as the rascal. Is the single man | |
| | therefore blessed? No: as a walled town is more | |
| | worthier than a village, so is the forehead of a | |
| | married man more honourable than the bare brow of a | 50 |
| | bachelor; and by how much defence is better than no | |
| | skill, by so much is a horn more precious than to | |
| | want. Here comes Sir Oliver. | |
| | Enter SIR OLIVER MARTEXT. | |
| | Sir Oliver Martext, you are well met: will you | |
| | dispatch us here under this tree, or shall we go | 55 |
| | with you to your chapel? | |
| SIR OLIVER MARTEXT | Is there none here to give the woman? | |
| TOUCHSTONE | I will not take her on gift of any man. | |
| SIR OLIVER MARTEXT | Truly, she must be given, or the marriage is not lawful. | |
| JAQUES | Advancing. | |
| | Proceed, proceed I'll give her. | 60 |
| TOUCHSTONE | Good even, good Master What-ye-call't: how do you, | |
| | sir? You are very well met: God 'ild you for your | |
| | last company: I am very glad to see you: even a | |
| | toy in hand here, sir: nay, pray be covered. | |
| JAQUES | Will you be married, motley? | 65 |
| TOUCHSTONE | As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his curb and | |
| | the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and | |
| | as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling. | |
| JAQUES | And will you, being a man of your breeding, be | |
| | married under a bush like a beggar? Get you to | 70 |
| | church, and have a good priest that can tell you | |
| | what marriage is: this fellow will but join you | |
| | together as they join wainscot; then one of you will | |
| | prove a shrunk panel and, like green timber, warp, warp. | |
| TOUCHSTONE | Aside | |
| | married of him than of another: for he is not like | 75 |
| | to marry me well; and not being well married, it | |
| | will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife. | |
| JAQUES | Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee. | |
| TOUCHSTONE | 'Come, sweet Audrey: | |
| | We must be married, or we must live in bawdry. | 80 |
| | Farewell, good Master Oliver: not,-- | |
| | O sweet Oliver, | |
| | O brave Oliver, | |
| | Leave me not behind thee: but,-- | |
| | Wind away, | 85 |
| | Begone, I say, | |
| | I will not to wedding with thee. | |
| | Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY. | |
| SIR OLIVER MARTEXT | 'Tis no matter: ne'er a fantastical knave of them | |
| | all shall flout me out of my calling. | |
| | Exit | |
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