| ACT I SCENE III | An ante-chamber in the palace. |
| [Enter Chamberlain and SANDS] |
| Chamberlain | Is't possible the spells of France should juggle |
| Men into such strange mysteries? |
| SANDS | New customs, |
| Though they be never so ridiculous, |
| Nay, let 'em be unmanly, yet are follow'd. | 5 |
| Chamberlain | As far as I see, all the good our English |
| Have got by the late voyage is but merely |
| A fit or two o' the face; but they are shrewd ones; |
| For when they hold 'em, you would swear directly |
| Their very noses had been counsellors | 10 |
| To Pepin or Clotharius, they keep state so. |
| SANDS | They have all new legs, and lame ones: one would take it, |
| That never saw 'em pace before, the spavin |
| Or springhalt reign'd among 'em. |
| Chamberlain | Death! my lord, | 15 |
| Their clothes are after such a pagan cut too, |
| That, sure, they've worn out Christendom. |
[Enter LOVELL] |
| How now! |
| What news, Sir Thomas Lovell? |
| LOVELL | Faith, my lord, | 20 |
| I hear of none, but the new proclamation |
| That's clapp'd upon the court-gate. |
| Chamberlain | What is't for? |
| LOVELL | The reformation of our travell'd gallants, |
| That fill the court with quarrels, talk, and tailors. | 25 |
| Chamberlain | I'm glad 'tis there: now I would pray our monsieurs |
| To think an English courtier may be wise, |
| And never see the Louvre. |
| LOVELL | They must either, |
| For so run the conditions, leave those remnants | 30 |
| Of fool and feather that they got in France, |
| With all their honourable point of ignorance |
| Pertaining thereunto, as fights and fireworks, |
| Abusing better men than they can be, |
| Out of a foreign wisdom, renouncing clean | 35 |
| The faith they have in tennis, and tall stockings, |
| Short blister'd breeches, and those types of travel, |
| And understand again like honest men; |
| Or pack to their old playfellows: there, I take it, |
| They may, 'cum privilegio,' wear away | 40 |
| The lag end of their lewdness and be laugh'd at. |
| SANDS | 'Tis time to give 'em physic, their diseases |
| Are grown so catching. |
| Chamberlain | What a loss our ladies |
| Will have of these trim vanities! | 45 |
| LOVELL | Ay, marry, |
| There will be woe indeed, lords: the sly whoresons |
| Have got a speeding trick to lay down ladies; |
| A French song and a fiddle has no fellow. |
| SANDS | The devil fiddle 'em! I am glad they are going, | 50 |
| For, sure, there's no converting of 'em: now |
| An honest country lord, as I am, beaten |
| A long time out of play, may bring his plainsong |
| And have an hour of hearing; and, by'r lady, |
| Held current music too. | 55 |
| Chamberlain | Well said, Lord Sands; |
| Your colt's tooth is not cast yet. |
| SANDS | No, my lord; |
| Nor shall not, while I have a stump. |
| Chamberlain | Sir Thomas, | 60 |
| Whither were you a-going? |
| LOVELL | To the cardinal's: |
| Your lordship is a guest too. |
| Chamberlain | O, 'tis true: |
| This night he makes a supper, and a great one, | 65 |
| To many lords and ladies; there will be |
| The beauty of this kingdom, I'll assure you. |
| LOVELL | That churchman bears a bounteous mind indeed, |
| A hand as fruitful as the land that feeds us; |
| His dews fall every where. | 70 |
| Chamberlain | No doubt he's noble; |
| He had a black mouth that said other of him. |
| SANDS | He may, my lord; has wherewithal: in him |
| Sparing would show a worse sin than ill doctrine: |
| Men of his way should be most liberal; | 75 |
| They are set here for examples. |
| Chamberlain | True, they are so: |
| But few now give so great ones. My barge stays; |
| Your lordship shall along. Come, good Sir Thomas, |
| We shall be late else; which I would not be, | 80 |
| For I was spoke to, with Sir Henry Guildford |
| This night to be comptrollers. |
| SANDS | I am your lordship's. |
| [Exeunt] |
The Essential Student History Quiz (with answers and illustrations)