ACT II SCENE I | Rochester. An inn yard. |
[Enter a Carrier with a lantern in his hand] |
First Carrier | Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I'll be |
| hanged: Charles' wain is over the new chimney, and |
| yet our horse not packed. What, ostler! |
Ostler | [Within] Anon, anon.
|
First Carrier | I prithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a few flocks | 5 |
| in the point; poor jade, is wrung in the withers out |
| of all cess. |
[Enter another Carrier] |
Second Carrier | Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that |
| is the next way to give poor jades the bots: this |
| house is turned upside down since Robin Ostler died. | 10 |
First Carrier | Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of oats |
| rose; it was the death of him. |
Second Carrier | I think this be the most villanous house in all |
| London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench. |
First Carrier | Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne'er a king | 15 |
| christen could be better bit than I have been since |
| the first cock. |
Second Carrier | Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and then we |
| leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds |
| fleas like a loach. | 20 |
First Carrier | What, ostler! come away and be hanged! |
Second Carrier | I have a gammon of bacon and two razors of ginger, |
| to be delivered as far as Charing-cross. |
First Carrier | God's body! the turkeys in my pannier are quite |
| starved. What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou | 25 |
| never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An |
| 'twere not as good deed as drink, to break the pate |
| on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged! |
| hast thou no faith in thee? |
[Enter GADSHILL] |
GADSHILL | Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock? | 30 |
First Carrier | I think it be two o'clock. |
GADSHILL | I pray thee lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding |
| in the stable. |
First Carrier | Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth two of that, i' faith. |
GADSHILL | I pray thee, lend me thine. | 35 |
Second Carrier | Ay, when? can'st tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth |
| a? marry, I'll see thee hanged first. |
GADSHILL | Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London? |
Second Carrier | Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant |
| thee. Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up the | 40 |
| gentleman: they will along with company, for they |
| have great charge. |
[Exeunt carriers] |
GADSHILL | What, ho! chamberlain! |
Chamberlain | [Within] At hand, quoth pick-purse.
|
GADSHILL | That's even as fair as--at hand, quoth the | 45 |
| chamberlain; for thou variest no more from picking |
| of purses than giving direction doth from labouring; |
| thou layest the plot how. |
[Enter Chamberlain] |
Chamberlain | Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that
|
| I told you yesternight: there's a franklin in the | 50 |
| wild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with |
| him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his |
| company last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one |
| that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what. |
| They are up already, and call for eggs and butter; | 55 |
| they will away presently. |
GADSHILL | Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas' |
| clerks, I'll give thee this neck. |
Chamberlain | No, I'll none of it: I pray thee keep that for the |
| hangman; for I know thou worshippest St. Nicholas | 60 |
| as truly as a man of falsehood may. |
GADSHILL | What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I hang, |
| I'll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang, old |
| Sir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he is no |
| starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that thou | 65 |
| dreamest not of, the which for sport sake are |
| content to do the profession some grace; that would, |
| if matters should be looked into, for their own |
| credit sake, make all whole. I am joined with no |
| foot-land rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers, | 70 |
| none of these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms; |
| but with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and |
| great oneyers, such as can hold in, such as will |
| strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than |
| drink, and drink sooner than pray: and yet, zounds, | 75 |
| I lie; for they pray continually to their saint, the |
| commonwealth; or rather, not pray to her, but prey |
| on her, for they ride up and down on her and make |
| her their boots. |
Chamberlain | What, the commonwealth their boots? will she hold | 80 |
| out water in foul way? |
GADSHILL | She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We |
| steal as in a castle, cocksure; we have the receipt |
| of fern-seed, we walk invisible. |
Chamberlain | Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to | 85 |
| the night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible. |
GADSHILL | Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in our |
| purchase, as I am a true man. |
Chamberlain | Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief. |
GADSHILL | Go to; 'homo' is a common name to all men. Bid the | 90 |
| ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, |
| you muddy knave. |
[Exeunt] |