| ACT II SCENE IV | The Boar's-Head Tavern, Eastcheap. |
| [Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS] |
| PRINCE HENRY | Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room, and lend me |
| thy hand to laugh a little. |
| POINS | Where hast been, Hal? |
| PRINCE HENRY | With three or four loggerheads amongst three or four |
| score hogsheads. I have sounded the very | 5 |
| base-string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother |
| to a leash of drawers; and can call them all by |
| their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. |
| They take it already upon their salvation, that |
| though I be but the prince of Wales, yet I am king | 10 |
| of courtesy; and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, |
| like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a |
| good boy, by the Lord, so they call me, and when I |
| am king of England, I shall command all the good |
| lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, dyeing | 15 |
| scarlet; and when you breathe in your watering, they |
| cry 'hem!' and bid you play it off. To conclude, I |
| am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, |
| that I can drink with any tinker in his own language |
| during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost | 20 |
| much honour, that thou wert not with me in this sweet |
| action. But, sweet Ned,--to sweeten which name of |
| Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped |
| even now into my hand by an under-skinker, one that |
| never spake other English in his life than 'Eight | 25 |
| shillings and sixpence' and 'You are welcome,' with |
| this shrill addition, 'Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint |
| of bastard in the Half-Moon,' or so. But, Ned, to |
| drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee, |
| do thou stand in some by-room, while I question my | 30 |
| puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar; and do |
| thou never leave calling 'Francis,' that his tale |
| to me may be nothing but 'Anon.' Step aside, and |
| I'll show thee a precedent. |
| POINS | Francis! | 35 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Thou art perfect. |
| POINS | Francis! |
| [Exit POINS] |
| [Enter FRANCIS] |
| FRANCIS | Anon, anon, sir. Look down into the Pomgarnet, Ralph. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Come hither, Francis. |
| FRANCIS | My lord? | 40 |
| PRINCE HENRY | How long hast thou to serve, Francis? |
| FRANCIS | Forsooth, five years, and as much as to-- |
| POINS | [Within] Francis!
|
| FRANCIS | Anon, anon, sir. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Five year! by'r lady, a long lease for the clinking | 45 |
| of pewter. But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant |
| as to play the coward with thy indenture and show it |
| a fair pair of heels and run from it? |
| FRANCIS | O Lord, sir, I'll be sworn upon all the books in |
| England, I could find in my heart. | 50 |
| POINS | [Within] Francis!
|
| FRANCIS | Anon, sir. |
| PRINCE HENRY | How old art thou, Francis? |
| FRANCIS | Let me see--about Michaelmas next I shall be-- |
| POINS | [Within] Francis!
| 55 |
| FRANCIS | Anon, sir. Pray stay a little, my lord. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Nay, but hark you, Francis: for the sugar thou |
| gavest me,'twas a pennyworth, wast't not? |
| FRANCIS | O Lord, I would it had been two! |
| PRINCE HENRY | I will give thee for it a thousand pound: ask me | 60 |
| when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it. |
| POINS | [Within] Francis!
|
| FRANCIS | Anon, anon. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Anon, Francis? No, Francis; but to-morrow, Francis; |
| or, Francis, o' Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when | 65 |
| thou wilt. But, Francis! |
| FRANCIS | My lord? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button, |
| not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, |
| smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch,-- | 70 |
| FRANCIS | O Lord, sir, who do you mean? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink; |
| for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet |
| will sully: in Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much. |
| FRANCIS | What, sir? | 75 |
| POINS | [Within] Francis!
|
| PRINCE HENRY | Away, you rogue! dost thou not hear them call? |
| [
Here they both call him; the drawer stands amazed,
not knowing which way to go
] |
| [Enter Vintner] |
| Vintner | What, standest thou still, and hearest such a |
| calling? Look to the guests within. |
[Exit Francis] |
| My lord, old Sir John, with half-a-dozen more, are | 80 |
| at the door: shall I let them in? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Let them alone awhile, and then open the door. |
[Exit Vintner] |
| Poins! |
| [Re-enter POINS] |
| POINS | Anon, anon, sir. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at | 85 |
| the door: shall we be merry?
|
| POINS | As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye; what |
| cunning match have you made with this jest of the |
| drawer? come, what's the issue? |
| PRINCE HENRY | I am now of all humours that have showed themselves | 90 |
| humours since the old days of goodman Adam to the |
| pupil age of this present twelve o'clock at midnight. |
[Re-enter FRANCIS] |
| What's o'clock, Francis? |
| FRANCIS | Anon, anon, sir. |
| [Exit] |
| PRINCE HENRY | That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a | 95 |
| parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is |
| upstairs and downstairs; his eloquence the parcel of |
| a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy's mind, the |
| Hotspur of the north; he that kills me some six or |
| seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his | 100 |
| hands, and says to his wife 'Fie upon this quiet |
| life! I want work.' 'O my sweet Harry,' says she, |
| 'how many hast thou killed to-day?' 'Give my roan |
| horse a drench,' says he; and answers 'Some |
| fourteen,' an hour after; 'a trifle, a trifle.' I | 105 |
| prithee, call in Falstaff: I'll play Percy, and |
| that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his |
| wife. 'Rivo!' says the drunkard. Call in ribs, call in tallow. |
| [
Enter FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, BARDOLPH, and PETO;
FRANCIS following with wine
] |
| POINS | Welcome, Jack: where hast thou been? |
| FALSTAFF | A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! | 110 |
| marry, and amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy. Ere I |
| lead this life long, I'll sew nether stocks and mend |
| them and foot them too. A plague of all cowards! |
| Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue extant? |
| [He drinks] |
| PRINCE HENRY | Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter? | 115 |
| pitiful-hearted Titan, that melted at the sweet tale |
| of the sun's! if thou didst, then behold that compound. |
| FALSTAFF | You rogue, here's lime in this sack too: there is |
| nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man: |
| yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime | 120 |
| in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack; |
| die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be |
| not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a |
| shotten herring. There live not three good men |
| unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and | 125 |
| grows old: God help the while! a bad world, I say. |
| I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or any |
| thing. A plague of all cowards, I say still. |
| PRINCE HENRY | How now, wool-sack! what mutter you? |
| FALSTAFF | A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy | 130 |
| kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy |
| subjects afore thee like a flock of wild-geese, |
| I'll never wear hair on my face more. You Prince of Wales! |
| PRINCE HENRY | Why, you whoreson round man, what's the matter? |
| FALSTAFF | Are not you a coward? answer me to that: and Poins there? | 135 |
| POINS | 'Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the |
| Lord, I'll stab thee. |
| FALSTAFF | I call thee coward! I'll see thee damned ere I call |
| thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound I |
| could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight | 140 |
| enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your |
| back: call you that backing of your friends? A |
| plague upon such backing! give me them that will |
| face me. Give me a cup of sack: I am a rogue, if I |
| drunk to-day. | 145 |
| PRINCE HENRY | O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou |
| drunkest last. |
| FALSTAFF | All's one for that. |
[He drinks] |
| A plague of all cowards, still say I. |
| PRINCE HENRY | What's the matter? | 150 |
| FALSTAFF | What's the matter! there be four of us here have |
| ta'en a thousand pound this day morning. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Where is it, Jack? where is it? |
| FALSTAFF | Where is it! taken from us it is: a hundred upon |
| poor four of us. | 155 |
| PRINCE HENRY | What, a hundred, man? |
| FALSTAFF | I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a |
| dozen of them two hours together. I have 'scaped by |
| miracle. I am eight times thrust through the |
| doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut | 160 |
| through and through; my sword hacked like a |
| hand-saw--ecce signum! I never dealt better since |
| I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all |
| cowards! Let them speak: if they speak more or |
| less than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness. | 165 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Speak, sirs; how was it? |
| GADSHILL | We four set upon some dozen-- |
| FALSTAFF | Sixteen at least, my lord. |
| GADSHILL | And bound them. |
| PETO | No, no, they were not bound. | 170 |
| FALSTAFF | You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or I |
| am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew. |
| GADSHILL | As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us-- |
| FALSTAFF | And unbound the rest, and then come in the other. |
| PRINCE HENRY | What, fought you with them all? | 175 |
| FALSTAFF | All! I know not what you call all; but if I fought |
| not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if |
| there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old |
| Jack, then am I no two-legged creature. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Pray God you have not murdered some of them. | 180 |
| FALSTAFF | Nay, that's past praying for: I have peppered two |
| of them; two I am sure I have paid, two rogues |
| in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell |
| thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou |
| knowest my old ward; here I lay and thus I bore my | 185 |
| point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me-- |
| PRINCE HENRY | What, four? thou saidst but two even now. |
| FALSTAFF | Four, Hal; I told thee four. |
| POINS | Ay, ay, he said four. |
| FALSTAFF | These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at | 190 |
| me. I made me no more ado but took all their seven |
| points in my target, thus. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Seven? why, there were but four even now. |
| FALSTAFF | In buckram? |
| POINS | Ay, four, in buckram suits. | 195 |
| FALSTAFF | Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more anon. |
| FALSTAFF | Dost thou hear me, Hal? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Ay, and mark thee too, Jack. |
| FALSTAFF | Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine | 200 |
| in buckram that I told thee of-- |
| PRINCE HENRY | So, two more already. |
| FALSTAFF | Their points being broken,-- |
| POINS | Down fell their hose. |
| FALSTAFF | Began to give me ground: but I followed me close, | 205 |
| came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of |
| the eleven I paid. |
| PRINCE HENRY | O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! |
| FALSTAFF | But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten |
| knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let drive | 210 |
| at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst |
| not see thy hand. |
| PRINCE HENRY | These lies are like their father that begets them; |
| gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou |
| clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou | 215 |
| whoreson, obscene, grease tallow-keech,-- |
| FALSTAFF | What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth |
| the truth? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal |
| green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy | 220 |
| hand? come, tell us your reason: what sayest thou to this? |
| POINS | Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. |
| FALSTAFF | What, upon compulsion? 'Zounds, an I were at the |
| strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would |
| not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on | 225 |
| compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as |
| blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon |
| compulsion, I. |
| PRINCE HENRY | I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine |
| coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, | 230 |
| this huge hill of flesh,-- |
| FALSTAFF | 'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried |
| neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish! O |
| for breath to utter what is like thee! you |
| tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile | 235 |
| standing-tuck,-- |
| PRINCE HENRY | Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again: and |
| when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, |
| hear me speak but this. |
| POINS | Mark, Jack. | 240 |
| PRINCE HENRY | We two saw you four set on four and bound them, and |
| were masters of their wealth. Mark now, how a plain |
| tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you |
| four; and, with a word, out-faced you from your |
| prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in | 245 |
| the house: and, Falstaff, you carried your guts |
| away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared |
| for mercy and still run and roared, as ever I heard |
| bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword |
| as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! | 250 |
| What trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst |
| thou now find out to hide thee from this open and |
| apparent shame? |
| POINS | Come, let's hear, Jack; what trick hast thou now? |
| FALSTAFF | By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. | 255 |
| Why, hear you, my masters: was it for me to kill the |
| heir-apparent? should I turn upon the true prince? |
| why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but |
| beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true |
| prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was now a | 260 |
| coward on instinct. I shall think the better of |
| myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant |
| lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, |
| lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess, clap |
| to the doors: watch to-night, pray to-morrow. | 265 |
| Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles |
| of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be |
| merry? shall we have a play extempore? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Content; and the argument shall be thy running away. |
| FALSTAFF | Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me! | 270 |
| [Enter Hostess] |
| Hostess | O Jesu, my lord the prince! |
| PRINCE HENRY | How now, my lady the hostess! what sayest thou to |
| me? |
| Hostess | Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at |
| door would speak with you: he says he comes from | 275 |
| your father. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and |
| send him back again to my mother. |
| FALSTAFF | What manner of man is he? |
| Hostess | An old man. | 280 |
| FALSTAFF | What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall |
| I give him his answer? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Prithee, do, Jack. |
| FALSTAFF | 'Faith, and I'll send him packing. |
| [Exit FALSTAFF] |
| PRINCE HENRY | Now, sirs: by'r lady, you fought fair; so did you, | 285 |
| Peto; so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you |
| ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true |
| prince; no, fie! |
| BARDOLPH | 'Faith, I ran when I saw others run. |
| PRINCE HENRY | 'Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff's | 290 |
| sword so hacked? |
| PETO | Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would |
| swear truth out of England but he would make you |
| believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like. |
| BARDOLPH | Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass to | 295 |
| make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments |
| with it and swear it was the blood of true men. I |
| did that I did not this seven year before, I blushed |
| to hear his monstrous devices. |
| PRINCE HENRY | O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years | 300 |
| ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since |
| thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and |
| sword on thy side, and yet thou rannest away: what |
| instinct hadst thou for it? |
| BARDOLPH | My lord, do you see these meteors? do you behold | 305 |
| these exhalations? |
| PRINCE HENRY | I do. |
| BARDOLPH | What think you they portend? |
| PRINCE HENRY | Hot livers and cold purses. |
| BARDOLPH | Choler, my lord, if rightly taken. | 310 |
| PRINCE HENRY | No, if rightly taken, halter. |
[Re-enter FALSTAFF] |
| Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone. |
| How now, my sweet creature of bombast! |
| How long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee? |
| FALSTAFF | My own knee! when I was about thy years, Hal, I was | 315 |
| not an eagle's talon in the waist; I could have |
| crept into any alderman's thumb-ring: a plague of |
| sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a |
| bladder. There's villanous news abroad: here was |
| Sir John Bracy from your father; you must to the | 320 |
| court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the |
| north, Percy, and he of Wales, that gave Amaimon the |
| bastinado and made Lucifer cuckold and swore the |
| devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh |
| hook--what a plague call you him? | 325 |
| POINS | O, Glendower. |
| FALSTAFF | Owen, Owen, the same; and his son-in-law Mortimer, |
| and old Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of |
| Scots, Douglas, that runs o' horseback up a hill |
| perpendicular,-- | 330 |
| PRINCE HENRY | He that rides at high speed and with his pistol |
| kills a sparrow flying. |
| FALSTAFF | You have hit it. |
| PRINCE HENRY | So did he never the sparrow. |
| FALSTAFF | Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him; he will not run. | 335 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so |
| for running! |
| FALSTAFF | O' horseback, ye cuckoo; but afoot he will not budge a foot. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Yes, Jack, upon instinct. |
| FALSTAFF | I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, | 340 |
| and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more: |
| Worcester is stolen away to-night; thy father's |
| beard is turned white with the news: you may buy |
| land now as cheap as stinking mackerel. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Why, then, it is like, if there come a hot June and | 345 |
| this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads |
| as they buy hob-nails, by the hundreds. |
| FALSTAFF | By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is like we |
| shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal, |
| art not thou horrible afeard? thou being | 350 |
| heir-apparent, could the world pick thee out three |
| such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that |
| spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou |
| not horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill at |
| it? | 355 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Not a whit, i' faith; I lack some of thy instinct. |
| FALSTAFF | Well, thou wert be horribly chid tomorrow when thou |
| comest to thy father: if thou love me, practise an answer. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Do thou stand for my father, and examine me upon the |
| particulars of my life. | 360 |
| FALSTAFF | Shall I? content: this chair shall be my state, |
| this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Thy state is taken for a joined-stool, thy golden |
| sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich |
| crown for a pitiful bald crown! | 365 |
| FALSTAFF | Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, |
| now shalt thou be moved. Give me a cup of sack to |
| make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have |
| wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will do it |
| in King Cambyses' vein. | 370 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Well, here is my leg. |
| FALSTAFF | And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility. |
| Hostess | O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i' faith! |
| FALSTAFF | Weep not, sweet queen; for trickling tears are vain. |
| Hostess | O, the father, how he holds his countenance! | 375 |
| FALSTAFF | For God's sake, lords, convey my tristful queen; |
| For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes. |
| Hostess | O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry |
| players as ever I see! |
| FALSTAFF | Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle-brain. | 380 |
| Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy |
| time, but also how thou art accompanied: for though |
| the camomile, the more it is trodden on the faster |
| it grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted the |
| sooner it wears. That thou art my son, I have | 385 |
| partly thy mother's word, partly my own opinion, |
| but chiefly a villanous trick of thine eye and a |
| foolish-hanging of thy nether lip, that doth warrant |
| me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point; |
| why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall | 390 |
| the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher and eat |
| blackberries? a question not to be asked. Shall |
| the sun of England prove a thief and take purses? a |
| question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, |
| which thou hast often heard of and it is known to | 395 |
| many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch, |
| as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth |
| the company thou keepest: for, Harry, now I do not |
| speak to thee in drink but in tears, not in |
| pleasure but in passion, not in words only, but in | 400 |
| woes also: and yet there is a virtuous man whom I |
| have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name. |
| PRINCE HENRY | What manner of man, an it like your majesty? |
| FALSTAFF | A goodly portly man, i' faith, and a corpulent; of a |
| cheerful look, a pleasing eye and a most noble | 405 |
| carriage; and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, |
| by'r lady, inclining to three score; and now I |
| remember me, his name is Falstaff: if that man |
| should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry, |
| I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be | 410 |
| known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then, |
| peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that |
| Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish. And tell |
| me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast |
| thou been this month? | 415 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, |
| and I'll play my father. |
| FALSTAFF | Depose me? if thou dost it half so gravely, so |
| majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by |
| the heels for a rabbit-sucker or a poulter's hare. | 420 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Well, here I am set. |
| FALSTAFF | And here I stand: judge, my masters. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Now, Harry, whence come you? |
| FALSTAFF | My noble lord, from Eastcheap. |
| PRINCE HENRY | The complaints I hear of thee are grievous. | 425 |
| FALSTAFF | 'Sblood, my lord, they are false: nay, I'll tickle |
| ye for a young prince, i' faith. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne'er look |
| on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace: |
| there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an | 430 |
| old fat man; a tun of man is thy companion. Why |
| dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that |
| bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel |
| of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed |
| cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with | 435 |
| the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that |
| grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in |
| years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and |
| drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a |
| capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? | 440 |
| wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous, |
| but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing? |
| FALSTAFF | I would your grace would take me with you: whom |
| means your grace? |
| PRINCE HENRY | That villanous abominable misleader of youth, | 445 |
| Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan. |
| FALSTAFF | My lord, the man I know. |
| PRINCE HENRY | I know thou dost. |
| FALSTAFF | But to say I know more harm in him than in myself, |
| were to say more than I know. That he is old, the | 450 |
| more the pity, his white hairs do witness it; but |
| that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster, |
| that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, |
| God help the wicked! if to be old and merry be a |
| sin, then many an old host that I know is damned: if | 455 |
| to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh's lean kine |
| are to be loved. No, my good lord; banish Peto, |
| banish Bardolph, banish Poins: but for sweet Jack |
| Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, |
| valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, | 460 |
| being, as he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish not him |
| thy Harry's company, banish not him thy Harry's |
| company: banish plump Jack, and banish all the world. |
| PRINCE HENRY | I do, I will. |
[A knocking heard] |
| [Exeunt Hostess, FRANCIS, and BARDOLPH] |
| [Re-enter BARDOLPH, running] |
| BARDOLPH | O, my lord, my lord! the sheriff with a most | 465 |
| monstrous watch is at the door. |
| FALSTAFF | Out, ye rogue! Play out the play: I have much to |
| say in the behalf of that Falstaff. |
| [Re-enter the Hostess] |
| Hostess | O Jesu, my lord, my lord! |
| PRINCE HENRY | Heigh, heigh! the devil rides upon a fiddlestick: | 470 |
| what's the matter? |
| Hostess | The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they |
| are come to search the house. Shall I let them in? |
| FALSTAFF | Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of |
| gold a counterfeit: thou art essentially mad, | 475 |
| without seeming so. |
| PRINCE HENRY | And thou a natural coward, without instinct. |
| FALSTAFF | I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff, |
| so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart |
| as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up! | 480 |
| I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Go, hide thee behind the arras: the rest walk up |
| above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good |
| conscience. |
| FALSTAFF | Both which I have had: but their date is out, and | 485 |
| therefore I'll hide me. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Call in the sheriff. |
[Exeunt all except PRINCE HENRY and PETO] |
[Enter Sheriff and the Carrier] |
| Now, master sheriff, what is your will with me? |
| Sheriff | First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry |
| Hath follow'd certain men unto this house. | 490 |
| PRINCE HENRY | What men? |
| Sheriff | One of them is well known, my gracious lord, |
| A gross fat man. |
| Carrier | As fat as butter. |
| PRINCE HENRY | The man, I do assure you, is not here; | 495 |
| For I myself at this time have employ'd him. |
| And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee |
| That I will, by to-morrow dinner-time, |
| Send him to answer thee, or any man, |
| For any thing he shall be charged withal: | 500 |
| And so let me entreat you leave the house. |
| Sheriff | I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen |
| Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks. |
| PRINCE HENRY | It may be so: if he have robb'd these men, |
| He shall be answerable; and so farewell. | 505 |
| Sheriff | Good night, my noble lord. |
| PRINCE HENRY | I think it is good morrow, is it not? |
| Sheriff | Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock. |
| [Exeunt Sheriff and Carrier] |
| PRINCE HENRY | This oily rascal is known as well as Paul's. Go, |
| call him forth. | 510 |
| PETO | Falstaff!--Fast asleep behind the arras, and |
| snorting like a horse. |
| PRINCE HENRY | Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets. |
[He searcheth his pockets, and findeth certain papers] |
| What hast thou found? |
| PETO | Nothing but papers, my lord. | 515 |
| PRINCE HENRY | Let's see what they be: read them. |
| PETO | [Reads] Item, A capon,. . 2s. 2d.
|
| Item, Sauce,. . . 4d. |
| Item, Sack, two gallons, 5s. 8d. |
| Item, Anchovies and sack after supper, 2s. 6d. | 520 |
| Item, Bread, ob. |
| PRINCE HENRY | O monstrous! but one half-penny-worth of bread to |
| this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, |
| keep close; we'll read it at more advantage: there |
| let him sleep till day. I'll to the court in the | 525 |
| morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place |
| shall be honourable. I'll procure this fat rogue a |
| charge of foot; and I know his death will be a |
| march of twelve-score. The money shall be paid |
| back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in | 530 |
| the morning; and so, good morrow, Peto. |
| [Exeunt] |
| PETO | Good morrow, good my lord. |
1 Henry IV Overview (with theme analysis)