King Henry IV, Part II

King Henry IV, Part II

ACT III SCENE II	Gloucestershire. Before SHALLOW'S house.
	Enter SHALLOW and SILENCE, meeting; MOULDY,SHADOW, WART, FEEBLE, BULLCALF, a Servant or twowith them
SHALLOW	Come on, come on, come on, sir; give me your hand,
	sir, give me your hand, sir: an early stirrer, by
	the rood! And how doth my good cousin Silence?
SILENCE	Good morrow, good cousin Shallow.	5
SHALLOW	And how doth my cousin, your bedfellow? and your
	fairest daughter and mine, my god-daughter Ellen?
SILENCE	Alas, a black ousel, cousin Shallow!
SHALLOW	By yea and nay, sir, I dare say my cousin William is
	become a good scholar: he is at Oxford still, is he not?	10
SILENCE	Indeed, sir, to my cost.
SHALLOW	A' must, then, to the inns o' court shortly. I was
	once of Clement's Inn, where I think they will
	talk of mad Shallow yet.
SILENCE	You were called 'lusty Shallow' then, cousin.	15
SHALLOW	By the mass, I was called any thing; and I would
	have done any thing indeed too, and roundly too.
	There was I, and little John Doit of Staffordshire,
	and black George Barnes, and Francis Pickbone, and
	Will Squele, a Cotswold man; you had not four such	20
	swinge-bucklers in all the inns o' court again: and
	I may say to you, we knew where the bona-robas were
	and had the best of them all at commandment. Then
	was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, a boy, and page to
	Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.	25
SILENCE	This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon about soldiers?
SHALLOW	The same Sir John, the very same. I see him break
	Skogan's head at the court-gate, when a' was a
	crack not thus high: and the very same day did I
	fight with one Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer,	30
	behind Gray's Inn. Jesu, Jesu, the mad days that I
	have spent! and to see how many of my old
	acquaintance are dead!
SILENCE	We shall all follow, cousin.
SHADOW	Certain, 'tis certain; very sure, very sure: death,	35
	as the Psalmist saith, is certain to all; all shall
	die. How a good yoke of bullocks at Stamford fair?
SILENCE	By my troth, I was not there.
SHALLOW	Death is certain. Is old Double of your town living
	yet?	40
SILENCE	Dead, sir.
SHALLOW	Jesu, Jesu, dead! a' drew a good bow; and dead! a'
	shot a fine shoot: John a Gaunt loved him well, and
	betted much money on his head. Dead! a' would have
	clapped i' the clout at twelve score; and carried	45
	you a forehand shaft a fourteen and fourteen and a
	half, that it would have done a man's heart good to
	see. How a score of ewes now?
SILENCE	Thereafter as they be: a score of good ewes may be
	worth ten pounds.	50
SHALLOW	And is old Double dead?
SILENCE	Here come two of Sir John Falstaff's men, as I think.
	Enter BARDOLPH and one with him
BARDOLPH	Good morrow, honest gentlemen: I beseech you, which
	is Justice Shallow?
SHALLOW	I am Robert Shallow, sir; a poor esquire of this	55
	county, and one of the king's justices of the peace:
	What is your good pleasure with me?
BARDOLPH	My captain, sir, commends him to you; my captain,
	Sir John Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, and
	a most gallant leader.	60
SHALLOW	He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword
	man. How doth the good knight? may I ask how my
	lady his wife doth?
BARDOLPH	Sir, pardon; a soldier is better accommodated than
	with a wife.	65
SHALLOW	It is well said, in faith, sir; and it is well said
	indeed too. Better accommodated! it is good; yea,
	indeed, is it: good phrases are surely, and ever
	were, very commendable. Accommodated! it comes of
	'accommodo' very good; a good phrase.	70
BARDOLPH	Pardon me, sir; I have heard the word. Phrase call
	you it? by this good day, I know not the phrase;
	but I will maintain the word with my sword to be a
	soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding good
	command, by heaven. Accommodated; that is, when a	75
	man is, as they say, accommodated; or when a man is,
	being, whereby a' may be thought to be accommodated;
	which is an excellent thing.
SHALLOW	It is very just.
	Enter FALSTAFF
	Look, here comes good Sir John. Give me your good	80
	hand, give me your worship's good hand: by my
	troth, you like well and bear your years very well:
	welcome, good Sir John.
FALSTAFF	I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert
	Shallow: Master Surecard, as I think?	85
SHALLOW	No, Sir John; it is my cousin Silence, in commission with me.
FALSTAFF	Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of
	the peace.
SILENCE	Your good-worship is welcome.
FALSTAFF	Fie! this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you	90
	provided me here half a dozen sufficient men?
SHALLOW	Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?
FALSTAFF	Let me see them, I beseech you.
SHALLOW	Where's the roll? where's the roll? where's the
	roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see. So, so:	95
	yea, marry, sir: Ralph Mouldy! Let them appear as
	I call; let them do so, let them do so. Let me
	see; where is Mouldy?
MOULDY	Here, an't please you.
SHALLOW	What think you, Sir John? a good-limbed fellow;	100
	young, strong, and of good friends.
FALSTAFF	Is thy name Mouldy?
MOULDY	Yea, an't please you.
FALSTAFF	'Tis the more time thou wert used.
SHALLOW	Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i' faith! Things that	105
	are mouldy lack use: very singular good! in faith,
	well said, Sir John, very well said.
FALSTAFF	Prick him.
MOULDY	I was pricked well enough before, an you could have
	let me alone: my old dame will be undone now for	110
	one to do her husbandry and her drudgery: you need
	not to have pricked me; there are other men fitter
	to go out than I.
FALSTAFF	Go to: peace, Mouldy; you shall go. Mouldy, it is
	time you were spent.	115
MOULDY	Spent!
SHALLOW	Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside: know you where
	you are? For the other, Sir John: let me see:
	Simon Shadow!
FALSTAFF	Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under: he's like	120
	to be a cold soldier.
SHALLOW	Where's Shadow?
SHADOW	Here, sir.
FALSTAFF	Shadow, whose son art thou?
SHADOW	My mother's son, sir.	125
FALSTAFF	Thy mother's son! like enough, and thy father's
	shadow: so the son of the female is the shadow of
	the male: it is often so, indeed; but much of the
	father's substance!
SHALLOW	Do you like him, Sir John?	130
FALSTAFF	Shadow will serve for summer; prick him, for we have
	a number of shadows to fill up the muster-book.
SHALLOW	Thomas Wart!
FALSTAFF	Where's he?
WART	Here, sir.	135
FALSTAFF	Is thy name Wart?
WART	Yea, sir.
FALSTAFF	Thou art a very ragged wart.
SHALLOW	Shall I prick him down, Sir John?
FALSTAFF	It were superfluous; for his apparel is built upon	140
	his back and the whole frame stands upon pins:
	prick him no more.
SHALLOW	Ha, ha, ha! you can do it, sir; you can do it: I
	commend you well. Francis Feeble!
FEEBLE	Here, sir.	145
FALSTAFF	What trade art thou, Feeble?
FEEBLE	A woman's tailor, sir.
SHALLOW	Shall I prick him, sir?
FALSTAFF	You may: but if he had been a man's tailor, he'ld
	ha' pricked you. Wilt thou make as many holes in	150
	an enemy's battle as thou hast done in a woman's petticoat?
FEEBLE	I will do my good will, sir; you can have no more.
FALSTAFF	Well said, good woman's tailor! well said,
	courageous Feeble! thou wilt be as valiant as the
	wrathful dove or most magnanimous mouse. Prick the	155
	woman's tailor: well, Master Shallow; deep, Master Shallow.
FEEBLE	I would Wart might have gone, sir.
FALSTAFF	I would thou wert a man's tailor, that thou mightst
	mend him and make him fit to go. I cannot put him
	to a private soldier that is the leader of so many	160
	thousands: let that suffice, most forcible Feeble.
FEEBLE	It shall suffice, sir.
FALSTAFF	I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. Who is next?
SHALLOW	Peter Bullcalf o' the green!
FALSTAFF	Yea, marry, let's see Bullcalf.	165
BULLCALF	Here, sir.
FALSTAFF	'Fore God, a likely fellow! Come, prick me Bullcalf
	till he roar again.
BULLCALF	O Lord! good my lord captain,--
FALSTAFF	What, dost thou roar before thou art pricked?	170
BULLCALF	O Lord, sir! I am a diseased man.
FALSTAFF	What disease hast thou?
BULLCALF	A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught
	with ringing in the king's affairs upon his
	coronation-day, sir.	175
FALSTAFF	Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown; we wilt
	have away thy cold; and I will take such order that
	my friends shall ring for thee. Is here all?
SHALLOW	Here is two more called than your number, you must
	have but four here, sir: and so, I pray you, go in	180
	with me to dinner.
FALSTAFF	Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry
	dinner. I am glad to see you, by my troth, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW	O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night
	in the windmill in Saint George's field?	185
FALSTAFF	No more of that, good Master Shallow, no more of that.
SHALLOW	Ha! 'twas a merry night. And is Jane Nightwork alive?
FALSTAFF	She lives, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW	She never could away with me.
FALSTAFF	Never, never; she would always say she could not	190
	abide Master Shallow.
SHALLOW	By the mass, I could anger her to the heart. She
	was then a bona-roba. Doth she hold her own well?
FALSTAFF	Old, old, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW	Nay, she must be old; she cannot choose but be old;	195
	certain she's old; and had Robin Nightwork by old
	Nightwork before I came to Clement's Inn.
SILENCE	That's fifty-five year ago.
SHALLOW	Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that
	this knight and I have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well?	200
FALSTAFF	We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW	That we have, that we have, that we have; in faith,
	Sir John, we have: our watch-word was 'Hem boys!'
	Come, let's to dinner; come, let's to dinner:
	Jesus, the days that we have seen! Come, come.	205
	Exeunt FALSTAFF and Justices
BULLCALF	Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend;
	and here's four Harry ten shillings in French crowns
	for you. In very truth, sir, I had as lief be
	hanged, sir, as go: and yet, for mine own part, sir,
	I do not care; but rather, because I am unwilling,	210
	and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay with
	my friends; else, sir, I did not care, for mine own
	part, so much.
BARDOLPH	Go to; stand aside.
MOULDY	And, good master corporal captain, for my old	215
	dame's sake, stand my friend: she has nobody to do
	any thing about her when I am gone; and she is old,
	and cannot help herself: You shall have forty, sir.
BARDOLPH	Go to; stand aside.
FEEBLE	By my troth, I care not; a man can die but once: we	220
	owe God a death: I'll ne'er bear a base mind:
	an't be my destiny, so; an't be not, so: no man is
	too good to serve's prince; and let it go which way
	it will, he that dies this year is quit for the next.
BARDOLPH	Well said; thou'rt a good fellow.	225
FEEBLE	Faith, I'll bear no base mind.
	Re-enter FALSTAFF and the Justices
FALSTAFF	Come, sir, which men shall I have?
SHALLOW	Four of which you please.
BARDOLPH	Sir, a word with you: I have three pound to free
	Mouldy and Bullcalf.	230
FALSTAFF	Go to; well.
SHALLOW	Come, Sir John, which four will you have?
FALSTAFF	Do you choose for me.
SHALLOW	Marry, then, Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble and Shadow.
FALSTAFF	Mouldy and Bullcalf: for you, Mouldy, stay at home	235
	till you are past service: and for your part,
	Bullcalf, grow till you come unto it: I will none of you.
SHALLOW	Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong: they are
	your likeliest men, and I would have you served with the best.
FALSTAFF	Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a	240
	man? Care I for the limb, the thewes, the stature,
	bulk, and big assemblance of a man! Give me the
	spirit, Master Shallow. Here's Wart; you see what a
	ragged appearance it is; a' shall charge you and
	discharge you with the motion of a pewterer's	245
	hammer, come off and on swifter than he that gibbets
	on the brewer's bucket. And this same half-faced
	fellow, Shadow; give me this man: he presents no
	mark to the enemy; the foeman may with as great aim
	level at the edge of a penknife. And for a retreat;	250
	how swiftly will this Feeble the woman's tailor run
	off! O, give me the spare men, and spare me the
	great ones. Put me a caliver into Wart's hand, Bardolph.
BARDOLPH	Hold, Wart, traverse; thus, thus, thus.
FALSTAFF	Come, manage me your caliver. So: very well: go	255
	to: very good, exceeding good. O, give me always a
	little, lean, old, chapt, bald shot. Well said, i'
	faith, Wart; thou'rt a good scab: hold, there's a
	tester for thee.
SHALLOW	He is not his craft's master; he doth not do it	260
	right. I remember at Mile-end Green, when I lay at
	Clement's Inn--I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthur's
	show,--there was a little quiver fellow, and a'
	would manage you his piece thus; and a' would about
	and about, and come you in and come you in: 'rah,	265
	tah, tah,' would a' say; 'bounce' would a' say; and
	away again would a' go, and again would a' come: I
	shall ne'er see such a fellow.
FALSTAFF	These fellows will do well, Master Shallow. God
	keep you, Master Silence: I will not use many words	270
	with you. Fare you well, gentlemen both: I thank
	you: I must a dozen mile to-night. Bardolph, give
	the soldiers coats.
SHALLOW	Sir John, the Lord bless you! God prosper your
	affairs! God send us peace! At your return visit	275
	our house; let our old acquaintance be renewed;
	peradventure I will with ye to the court.
FALSTAFF	'Fore God, I would you would, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW	Go to; I have spoke at a word. God keep you.
FALSTAFF	Fare you well, gentle gentlemen.	280
	Exeunt Justices
	On, Bardolph; lead the men away.
	Exeunt BARDOLPH, Recruits, &c
	As I return, I will fetch off these justices: I do
	see the bottom of Justice Shallow. Lord, Lord, how
	subject we old men are to this vice of lying! This
	same starved justice hath done nothing but prate to	285
	me of the wildness of his youth, and the feats he
	hath done about Turnbull Street: and every third
	word a lie, duer paid to the hearer than the Turk's
	tribute. I do remember him at Clement's Inn like a
	man made after supper of a cheese-paring: when a'	290
	was naked, he was, for all the world, like a forked
	radish, with a head fantastically carved upon it
	with a knife: a' was so forlorn, that his
	dimensions to any thick sight were invincible: a'
	was the very genius of famine; yet lecherous as a	295
	monkey, and the whores called him mandrake: a' came
	ever in the rearward of the fashion, and sung those
	tunes to the overscutched huswives that he heard the
	carmen whistle, and swear they were his fancies or
	his good-nights. And now is this Vice's dagger	300
	become a squire, and talks as familiarly of John a
	Gaunt as if he had been sworn brother to him; and
	I'll be sworn a' ne'er saw him but once in the
	Tilt-yard; and then he burst his head for crowding
	among the marshal's men. I saw it, and told John a	305
	Gaunt he beat his own name; for you might have
	thrust him and all his apparel into an eel-skin; the
	case of a treble hautboy was a mansion for him, a
	court: and now has he land and beefs. Well, I'll
	be acquainted with him, if I return; and it shall	310
	go hard but I will make him a philosopher's two
	stones to me: if the young dace be a bait for the
	old pike, I see no reason in the law of nature but I
	may snap at him. Let time shape, and there an end.
	Exit