King Henry IV, Part II

King Henry IV, Part II

ACT IV SCENE III	Another part of the forest.
	Alarum. Excursions. Enter FALSTAFF and COLEVILE, meeting
FALSTAFF	What's your name, sir? of what condition are you,
	and of what place, I pray?
COLEVILE	I am a knight, sir, and my name is Colevile of the dale.
FALSTAFF	Well, then, Colevile is your name, a knight is your	5
	degree, and your place the dale: Colevile shall be
	still your name, a traitor your degree, and the
	dungeon your place, a place deep enough; so shall
	you be still Colevile of the dale.
COLEVILE	Are not you Sir John Falstaff?	10
FALSTAFF	As good a man as he, sir, whoe'er I am. Do ye
	yield, sir? or shall I sweat for you? if I do
	sweat, they are the drops of thy lovers, and they
	weep for thy death: therefore rouse up fear and
	trembling, and do observance to my mercy.	15
COLEVILE	I think you are Sir John Falstaff, and in that
	thought yield me.
FALSTAFF	I have a whole school of tongues in this belly of
	mine, and not a tongue of them all speaks any other
	word but my name. An I had but a belly of any	20
	indifference, I were simply the most active fellow
	in Europe: my womb, my womb, my womb, undoes me.
	Here comes our general.
	Enter PRINCE JOHN OF LANCASTER, WESTMORELAND,BLUNT, and others
LANCASTER	The heat is past; follow no further now:
	Call in the powers, good cousin Westmoreland.	25
	Exit WESTMORELAND
	Now, Falstaff, where have you been all this while?
	When every thing is ended, then you come:
	These tardy tricks of yours will, on my life,
	One time or other break some gallows' back.
FALSTAFF	I would be sorry, my lord, but it should be thus: I	30
	never knew yet but rebuke and cheque was the reward
	of valour. Do you think me a swallow, an arrow, or a
	bullet? have I, in my poor and old motion, the
	expedition of thought? I have speeded hither with
	the very extremest inch of possibility; I have	35
	foundered nine score and odd posts: and here,
	travel-tainted as I am, have in my pure and
	immaculate valour, taken Sir John Colevile of the
	dale, a most furious knight and valorous enemy.
	But what of that? he saw me, and yielded; that I	40
	may justly say, with the hook-nosed fellow of Rome,
	'I came, saw, and overcame.'
LANCASTER	It was more of his courtesy than your deserving.
FALSTAFF	I know not: here he is, and here I yield him: and
	I beseech your grace, let it be booked with the	45
	rest of this day's deeds; or, by the Lord, I will
	have it in a particular ballad else, with mine own
	picture on the top on't, Colevile kissing my foot:
	to the which course if I be enforced, if you do not
	all show like gilt twopences to me, and I in the	50
	clear sky of fame o'ershine you as much as the full
	moon doth the cinders of the element, which show
	like pins' heads to her, believe not the word of
	the noble: therefore let me have right, and let
	desert mount.	55
LANCASTER	Thine's too heavy to mount.
FALSTAFF	Let it shine, then.
LANCASTER	Thine's too thick to shine.
FALSTAFF	Let it do something, my good lord, that may do me
	good, and call it what you will.	60
LANCASTER	Is thy name Colevile?
COLEVILE	It is, my lord.
LANCASTER	A famous rebel art thou, Colevile.
FALSTAFF	And a famous true subject took him.
COLEVILE	I am, my lord, but as my betters are	65
	That led me hither: had they been ruled by me,
	You should have won them dearer than you have.
FALSTAFF	I know not how they sold themselves: but thou, like
	a kind fellow, gavest thyself away gratis; and I
	thank thee for thee.	70
	Re-enter WESTMORELAND
LANCASTER	Now, have you left pursuit?
WESTMORELAND	Retreat is made and execution stay'd.
LANCASTER	Send Colevile with his confederates
	To York, to present execution:
	Blunt, lead him hence; and see you guard him sure.	75
	Exeunt BLUNT and others with COLEVILE
	And now dispatch we toward the court, my lords:
	I hear the king my father is sore sick:
	Our news shall go before us to his majesty,
	Which, cousin, you shall bear to comfort him,
	And we with sober speed will follow you.	80
FALSTAFF	My lord, I beseech you, give me leave to go
	Through Gloucestershire: and, when you come to court,
	Stand my good lord, pray, in your good report.
LANCASTER	Fare you well, Falstaff: I, in my condition,
	Shall better speak of you than you deserve.	85
	Exeunt all but Falstaff
FALSTAFF	I would you had but the wit: 'twere better than
	your dukedom. Good faith, this same young sober-
	blooded boy doth not love me; nor a man cannot make
	him laugh; but that's no marvel, he drinks no wine.
	There's never none of these demure boys come to any	90
	proof; for thin drink doth so over-cool their blood,
	and making many fish-meals, that they fall into a
	kind of male green-sickness; and then when they
	marry, they get wenches: they are generally fools
	and cowards; which some of us should be too, but for	95
	inflammation. A good sherris sack hath a two-fold
	operation in it. It ascends me into the brain;
	dries me there all the foolish and dull and curdy
	vapours which environ it; makes it apprehensive,
	quick, forgetive, full of nimble fiery and	100
	delectable shapes, which, delivered o'er to the
	voice, the tongue, which is the birth, becomes
	excellent wit. The second property of your
	excellent sherris is, the warming of the blood;
	which, before cold and settled, left the liver	105
	white and pale, which is the badge of pusillanimity
	and cowardice; but the sherris warms it and makes
	it course from the inwards to the parts extreme:
	it illumineth the face, which as a beacon gives
	warning to all the rest of this little kingdom,	110
	man, to arm; and then the vital commoners and
	inland petty spirits muster me all to their captain,
	the heart, who, great and puffed up with this
	retinue, doth any deed of courage; and this valour
	comes of sherris. So that skill in the weapon is	115
	nothing without sack, for that sets it a-work; and
	learning a mere hoard of gold kept by a devil, till
	sack commences it and sets it in act and use.
	Hereof comes it that Prince Harry is valiant; for
	the cold blood he did naturally inherit of his	120
	father, he hath, like lean, sterile and bare land,
	manured, husbanded and tilled with excellent
	endeavour of drinking good and good store of fertile
	sherris, that he is become very hot and valiant. If
	I had a thousand sons, the first humane principle I	125
	would teach them should be, to forswear thin
	potations and to addict themselves to sack.
	Enter BARDOLPH
	How now Bardolph?
BARDOLPH	The army is discharged all and gone.
FALSTAFF	Let them go. I'll through Gloucestershire; and	130
	there will I visit Master Robert Shallow, esquire:
	I have him already tempering between my finger and
	my thumb, and shortly will I seal with him. Come away.
	Exeunt