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The Comedy of Errors

ACT II SCENE I The house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus. 
ADRIANANeither my husband nor the slave return'd,
That in such haste I sent to seek his master!
Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.
LUCIANAPerhaps some merchant hath invited him,
And from the mart he's somewhere gone to dinner.5
Good sister, let us dine and never fret:
A man is master of his liberty:
Time is their master, and, when they see time,
They'll go or come: if so, be patient, sister.
ADRIANAWhy should their liberty than ours be more?10
LUCIANABecause their business still lies out o' door.
ADRIANALook, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
LUCIANAO, know he is the bridle of your will.
ADRIANAThere's none but asses will be bridled so.
LUCIANAWhy, headstrong liberty is lash'd with woe.15
There's nothing situate under heaven's eye
But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky:
The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls,
Are their males' subjects and at their controls:
Men, more divine, the masters of all these,20
Lords of the wide world and wild watery seas,
Indued with intellectual sense and souls,
Of more preeminence than fish and fowls,
Are masters to their females, and their lords:
Then let your will attend on their accords.25
ADRIANAThis servitude makes you to keep unwed.
LUCIANANot this, but troubles of the marriage-bed.
ADRIANABut, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.
LUCIANAEre I learn love, I'll practise to obey.
ADRIANAHow if your husband start some other where?30
LUCIANATill he come home again, I would forbear.
ADRIANAPatience unmoved! no marvel though she pause;
They can be meek that have no other cause.
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;35
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more would we ourselves complain:
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
With urging helpless patience wouldst relieve me,
But, if thou live to see like right bereft,40
This fool-begg'd patience in thee will be left.
LUCIANAWell, I will marry one day, but to try.
Here comes your man; now is your husband nigh.
[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus]
ADRIANASay, is your tardy master now at hand?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSNay, he's at two hands with me, and that my two ears45
can witness.
ADRIANASay, didst thou speak with him? know'st thou his mind?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAy, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear:
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
LUCIANASpake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning?50
DROMIO OF EPHESUSNay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his
blows; and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce
understand them.
ADRIANABut say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems he
hath great care to please his wife.55
DROMIO OF EPHESUSWhy, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.
ADRIANAHorn-mad, thou villain!
DROMIO OF EPHESUSI mean not cuckold-mad;
But, sure, he is stark mad.
When I desired him to come home to dinner,60
He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold:
''Tis dinner-time,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he;
'Your meat doth burn,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he:
'Will you come home?' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he.
'Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?'65
'The pig,' quoth I, 'is burn'd;' 'My gold!' quoth he:
'My mistress, sir' quoth I; 'Hang up thy mistress!
I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!'
LUCIANAQuoth who?
DROMIO OF EPHESUSQuoth my master:70
'I know,' quoth he, 'no house, no wife, no mistress.'
So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
ADRIANAGo back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.75
DROMIO OF EPHESUSGo back again, and be new beaten home?
For God's sake, send some other messenger.
ADRIANABack, slave, or I will break thy pate across.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAnd he will bless that cross with other beating:
Between you I shall have a holy head.80
ADRIANAHence, prating peasant! fetch thy master home.
DROMIO OF EPHESUSAm I so round with you as you with me,
That like a football you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:
If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.85
LUCIANAFie, how impatience loureth in your face!
ADRIANAHis company must do his minions grace,
Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
Hath homely age the alluring beauty took
From my poor cheek? then he hath wasted it:90
Are my discourses dull? barren my wit?
If voluble and sharp discourse be marr'd,
Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard:
Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
That's not my fault: he's master of my state:95
What ruins are in me that can be found,
By him not ruin'd? then is he the ground
Of my defeatures. My decayed fair
A sunny look of his would soon repair
But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale100
And feeds from home; poor I am but his stale.
LUCIANASelf-harming jealousy! fie, beat it hence!
ADRIANAUnfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
Or else what lets it but he would be here?105
Sister, you know he promised me a chain;
Would that alone, alone he would detain,
So he would keep fair quarter with his bed!
I see the jewel best enamelled
Will lose his beauty; yet the gold bides still,110
That others touch, and often touching will
Wear gold: and no man that hath a name,
By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.115
LUCIANAHow many fond fools serve mad jealousy!

Next: The Comedy of Errors, Act 2, Scene 2