The Taming of the Shrew 5.2 - I am ashamed that women are so simple

The Taming of the Shrew

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ACT V SCENE II	Padua. LUCENTIO'S house.
[ Enter BAPTISTA, VINCENTIO, GREMIO, the Pedant, LUCENTIO, BIANCA, PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, HORTENSIO, and Widow, TRANIO, BIONDELLO, and GRUMIO the Serving-men with Tranio bringing in a banquet ]
LUCENTIO	At last, though long, our jarring notes agree:
	And time it is, when raging war is done,
	To smile at scapes and perils overblown.
	My fair Bianca, bid my father welcome,
	While I with self-same kindness welcome thine.	5
	Brother Petruchio, sister Katharina,
	And thou, Hortensio, with thy loving widow,
	Feast with the best, and welcome to my house:
	My banquet is to close our stomachs up,
	After our great good cheer. Pray you, sit down;	10
	For now we sit to chat as well as eat.
PETRUCHIO	Nothing but sit and sit, and eat and eat!
BAPTISTA	Padua affords this kindness, son Petruchio.
PETRUCHIO	Padua affords nothing but what is kind.
HORTENSIO	For both our sakes, I would that word were true.	15
PETRUCHIO	Now, for my life, Hortensio fears his widow.
Widow	Then never trust me, if I be afeard.
PETRUCHIO	You are very sensible, and yet you miss my sense:
	I mean, Hortensio is afeard of you.
Widow	He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.	20
PETRUCHIO	Roundly replied.
KATHARINA	Mistress, how mean you that?
Widow	Thus I conceive by him.
PETRUCHIO	Conceives by me! How likes Hortensio that?
HORTENSIO	My widow says, thus she conceives her tale.	25
PETRUCHIO	Very well mended. Kiss him for that, good widow.
KATHARINA	'He that is giddy thinks the world turns round:'
	I pray you, tell me what you meant by that.
Widow	Your husband, being troubled with a shrew,
	Measures my husband's sorrow by his woe:	30
	And now you know my meaning,
KATHARINA	A very mean meaning.
Widow	Right, I mean you.
KATHARINA	And I am mean indeed, respecting you.
PETRUCHIO	To her, Kate!	35
HORTENSIO	To her, widow!
PETRUCHIO	A hundred marks, my Kate does put her down.
HORTENSIO	That's my office.
PETRUCHIO	Spoke like an officer; ha' to thee, lad!
[Drinks to HORTENSIO]
BAPTISTA	How likes Gremio these quick-witted folks?	40
GREMIO	Believe me, sir, they butt together well.
BIANCA	Head, and butt! an hasty-witted body
	Would say your head and butt were head and horn.
VINCENTIO	Ay, mistress bride, hath that awaken'd you?
BIANCA	Ay, but not frighted me; therefore I'll sleep again.	45
PETRUCHIO	Nay, that you shall not: since you have begun,
	Have at you for a bitter jest or two!
BIANCA	Am I your bird? I mean to shift my bush;
	And then pursue me as you draw your bow.
	You are welcome all.	50
[Exeunt BIANCA, KATHARINA, and Widow]
PETRUCHIO	She hath prevented me. Here, Signior Tranio.
	This bird you aim'd at, though you hit her not;
	Therefore a health to all that shot and miss'd.
TRANIO	O, sir, Lucentio slipp'd me like his greyhound,
	Which runs himself and catches for his master.	55
PETRUCHIO	A good swift simile, but something currish.
TRANIO	'Tis well, sir, that you hunted for yourself:
	'Tis thought your deer does hold you at a bay.
BAPTISTA	O ho, Petruchio! Tranio hits you now.
LUCENTIO	I thank thee for that gird, good Tranio.	60
HORTENSIO	Confess, confess, hath he not hit you here?
PETRUCHIO	A' has a little gall'd me, I confess;
	And, as the jest did glance away from me,
	'Tis ten to one it maim'd you two outright.
BAPTISTA	Now, in good sadness, son Petruchio,	65
	I think thou hast the veriest shrew of all.
PETRUCHIO	Well, I say no: and therefore for assurance
	Let's each one send unto his wife;
	And he whose wife is most obedient
	To come at first when he doth send for her,	70
	Shall win the wager which we will propose.
HORTENSIO	Content. What is the wager?
LUCENTIO	Twenty crowns.
PETRUCHIO	Twenty crowns!
	I'll venture so much of my hawk or hound,	75
	But twenty times so much upon my wife.
LUCENTIO	A hundred then.
HORTENSIO	Content.
PETRUCHIO	A match! 'tis done.
HORTENSIO	Who shall begin?	80
LUCENTIO	That will I.
	Go, Biondello, bid your mistress come to me.
BIONDELLO	I go.
[Exit]
BAPTISTA	Son, I'll be your half, Bianca comes.
LUCENTIO	I'll have no halves; I'll bear it all myself.	85
[Re-enter BIONDELLO]
	How now! what news?
BIONDELLO	Sir, my mistress sends you word
	That she is busy and she cannot come.
PETRUCHIO	How! she is busy and she cannot come!
	Is that an answer?	90
GREMIO	Ay, and a kind one too:
	Pray God, sir, your wife send you not a worse.
PETRUCHIO	I hope better.
HORTENSIO	Sirrah Biondello, go and entreat my wife
	To come to me forthwith.	95
[Exit BIONDELLO]
PETRUCHIO	O, ho! entreat her!
	Nay, then she must needs come.
HORTENSIO	I am afraid, sir,
	Do what you can, yours will not be entreated.
[Re-enter BIONDELLO]
	Now, where's my wife?	100
BIONDELLO	She says you have some goodly jest in hand:
	She will not come: she bids you come to her.
PETRUCHIO	Worse and worse; she will not come! O vile,
	Intolerable, not to be endured!
	Sirrah Grumio, go to your mistress;	105
	Say, I command her to come to me.
[Exit GRUMIO]
HORTENSIO	I know her answer.
PETRUCHIO	What?
HORTENSIO	She will not.
PETRUCHIO	The fouler fortune mine, and there an end.	110
BAPTISTA	Now, by my holidame, here comes Katharina!
[Re-enter KATARINA]
KATHARINA	What is your will, sir, that you send for me?
PETRUCHIO	Where is your sister, and Hortensio's wife?
KATHARINA	They sit conferring by the parlor fire.
PETRUCHIO	Go fetch them hither: if they deny to come.	115
	Swinge me them soundly forth unto their husbands:
	Away, I say, and bring them hither straight.
[Exit KATHARINA]
LUCENTIO	Here is a wonder, if you talk of a wonder.
HORTENSIO	And so it is: I wonder what it bodes.
PETRUCHIO	Marry, peace it bodes, and love and quiet life,	120
	And awful rule and right supremacy;
	And, to be short, what not, that's sweet and happy?
BAPTISTA	Now, fair befal thee, good Petruchio!
	The wager thou hast won; and I will add
	Unto their losses twenty thousand crowns;	125
	Another dowry to another daughter,
	For she is changed, as she had never been.
PETRUCHIO	Nay, I will win my wager better yet
	And show more sign of her obedience,
	Her new-built virtue and obedience.	130
	See where she comes and brings your froward wives
	As prisoners to her womanly persuasion.
[Re-enter KATHARINA, with BIANCA and Widow]
	Katharina, that cap of yours becomes you not:
	Off with that bauble, throw it under-foot.
Widow	Lord, let me never have a cause to sigh,	135
	Till I be brought to such a silly pass!
BIANCA	Fie! what a foolish duty call you this?
LUCENTIO	I would your duty were as foolish too:
	The wisdom of your duty, fair Bianca,
	Hath cost me an hundred crowns since supper-time.	140
BIANCA	The more fool you, for laying on my duty.
PETRUCHIO	Katharina, I charge thee, tell these headstrong women
	What duty they do owe their lords and husbands.
Widow	Come, come, you're mocking: we will have no telling.
PETRUCHIO	Come on, I say; and first begin with her.	145
Widow	She shall not.
PETRUCHIO	I say she shall: and first begin with her.
KATHARINA	Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow,
	And dart not scornful glances from those eyes,
	To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor:	150
	It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
	Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
	And in no sense is meet or amiable.
	A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
	Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty;	155
	And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
	Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
	Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
	Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
	And for thy maintenance commits his body	160
	To painful labour both by sea and land,
	To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
	Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
	And craves no other tribute at thy hands
	But love, fair looks and true obedience;	165
	Too little payment for so great a debt.
	Such duty as the subject owes the prince
	Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
	And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
	And not obedient to his honest will,	170
	What is she but a foul contending rebel
	And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
	I am ashamed that women are so simple
	To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
	Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway,	175
	When they are bound to serve, love and obey.
	Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
	Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
	But that our soft conditions and our hearts
	Should well agree with our external parts?	180
	Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
	My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
	My heart as great, my reason haply more,
	To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
	But now I see our lances are but straws,	185
	Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
	That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
	Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
	And place your hands below your husband's foot:
	In token of which duty, if he please,	190
	My hand is ready; may it do him ease.
PETRUCHIO	Why, there's a wench! Come on, and kiss me, Kate.
LUCENTIO	Well, go thy ways, old lad; for thou shalt ha't.
VINCENTIO	'Tis a good hearing when children are toward.
LUCENTIO	But a harsh hearing when women are froward.	195
PETRUCHIO	Come, Kate, we'll to bed.
	We three are married, but you two are sped.
[To LUCENTIO]
	'Twas I won the wager, though you hit the white;
	And, being a winner, God give you good night!
[Exeunt PETRUCHIO and KATHARINA]
HORTENSIO	Now, go thy ways; thou hast tamed a curst shrew.	200
LUCENTIO	'Tis a wonder, by your leave, she will be tamed so.
[Exeunt]